Old John's 

Xmas Almanac

No 5 ~ 1994

Yet one more Cornucopia of 

Aphorisms, Axioms, Saws, Maxims,

Proverbs, Quotations & Adages

for the

Busy OSRAM Manager



I think Mr Reeves was very upset when I said I would have

to check the information he gave me about his car

Sheila Gandi



You wouldn't believe this video I've got of Alison

last Christmas where she doesn't stop talking

for an hour and a half!

Nick, AB's husband, wrongly



I'm a keen student of David Schofield




Your fag packet is bigger than my fag packet




Due to the sad death of Paddy, the Bar, to all intents and

Purposes, will remain closed during our grief; but so as not

to inconvenience our customers, the door will remain ajar.

`Tis what Paddy wanted. Thank you

Recent announcement in The Cork Examiner



Professionals know how to fix their mistakes

Amateurs don't make any




It's all about emotions and feelings




But what is woman? _ but only one of Nature's

agreeable blunders

Mrs Hannah Cowley, Who's the Dupe?

e impossible avere la botta piene e la moglia umbriaca

You can't have the bottle full and your wife durnk




All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance

Edward Gibbon




It's better to sing than to struggle





ISD wish you and your staff

a Happy Christmas and a

Peaceful and Successful New Year





Robert called me over. I thought he wanted me to clear away the cups and plates - but he wanted to talk business




There's light at the end of the tunnel

DJS, of the sales figures, exceedingly boringly and incorrectly





One of the ISD PC Support team on his 

way to a 'power user' to explain again how

important it is to switch on the screen. 

Whilst there he will try to encourage him 

to work hard to raise his Excel skills to the 

same level as Windows Solitaire.







            Editor's Note

If you hear a colleague say something 

outrageous clever why not send it 

anonymously to the friendly editor of 

this almanac who is already working 

hard on next year's edition





Published by ISD - your favourite charity