Old John's

Xmas e-Almanac

No 10 ~ 1999







Still yet one more (but the very first electronic)

Cornucopia of Aphorisms, Axioms, Saws, Maxims,

Proverbs, Quotations & Adages

for the

Busy OSRAM Manager



















































Those who expect to fly smoke-free must expect to be beaten up occasionally

Jeremy Clarkson


We took a punt on that!

                                                                       a Financial Controller!


It was like being raped and paying for the privilege

                of SAP implementation, by CEO of FTSE 100 Company,

quoted in a letter to RC


The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that it’s against the law

Alex Levin


‘Blamestorming’ - Sitting round in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible


‘A salmon day’ - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end

from Life in the Fast Lane


This I set down as a positive truth. A woman with fair opportunities and without a positive hump, may marry whom she likes.


If a man’s character is to be abused, say what you will, there’s nobody like a relation to do the business

William Makepeace Thackery


Jesus Christ hurricane lamp done bugger off

pidgin English for ‘The Total Eclipse of the Sun’     quoted on BBC radio,


I’m getting my feathers on and going on a Kriegsfahrt

RC in June


You’re just having a heated agreement

GK of DJS and RA


ISD wish you and your staff

                    a Happy Christmas and a

                    Peaceful and Successful New Year


                    (who are all looking forward to the Y3k project!)



Rimmer:     Step up to red alert!

Kryten:       Sir, are you absolutely sure? It would mean changing the bulb.

from Red Dwarf, of course


If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

Robert X. Cringely











          The art of whacking the living daylights out of                       an electronic device to get it to work again                    

 ......or not.




Any questions on this publication please call the ISD Helpdesk on x211 only